By Priscilla Dunstan, McClatchy-Tribune News Service
I have had several requests lately to write about how to build up the self esteem of young children, especially those who are shy.
Your dominant sense is about how you interpret information and what information is first registered, then deemed most relevant. This interpretation doesn’t stop a child having their own personality, though. Because of this, we can have tactile children who are shy, visual chidden who are opinionated, auditory children who are rambunctious, etc. However, because they can be grouped via information interpretation, communicating is often most effective when you keep in mind each child’s dominate sense.
A good way to build personal self esteem with many children is to give them tasks and jobs, especially in an area they find confronting or difficult. Start small and project the expectation of success. This means that you expect them to be able to do it, but are available to help them if they need it. As their ability increases, give them more responsibility and harder tasks. These contributions to the family help create self esteem because it cements their place in the world and their importance within their community.
Tactile children will do best with esteem-building jobs around doing, getting, bringing, making and welcoming. Have them be in charge of bringing in the summer swimming towels from the car, getting the diapers when you change the baby, help make dinner by mashing the potatoes or giving the first welcome hug of the household to visitors and family when they enter the home. As time goes by, have them be in charge of the family putting their shoes on in time for school, making sure everyone has put on sunscreen or filling the water bottles.
Auditory children will do well with balanced organizational jobs, especially if it involves the relaying of verbal information. Answering the phone and taking messages correctly, listening for the timer to go off on the stove and letting mom know, listening out for directives within conversation, (“Grandma said turn left at the station”) and so forth. Their organizational skills mean that they will be great at organizing that messy kitchen stationary drawer, putting the saucepan lids back in an organized way and being in charge of feeding animals on time.
Visual children will definitely be able to help keep the house tidy, although they may need help with organization behind the cupboard doors. They will know when flowers need to be changed, plants watered because their leaves are drooping, when a vacuum needs to be pulled out and also do a great job. They will know whose clothes are who’s when sorting washing and can be trusted to put away items in their correct place. Trust them to make sure younger siblings are dressed and ready for school and everyone is looking good for a visit to Grandma’s.
Taste and smell children tend to have a double whammy if their personality is also shy, so extra patience is needed with a shy taste and smell child. Start by doing the chores together and expect them to take a lot longer to feel comfortable to try things on their own, even after you know they can certainly do it. They will do best with jobs that are people or animal based. Making sure their guinea pig has a nice dry place to sleep, or that their little sibling has a clean diaper or that grandma’s birthday card was mailed are all great personal jobs that will build your taste and smell child’s self esteem.
Priscilla Dunstan, creator of the Dunstan Baby Language, is a child and parenting behavior expert and consultant and the author of “Child Sense.” Learn more about Dunstan and her parenting discoveries at www.childsense.com.